It's Always been her
by lily.evanssss
Summary: James's thoughts throughout the years... I don't know how to write summaries.


**Disclaimer: As much as it pains me to say this, I own absolutely nothing *sigh***

 **A/N: Idk i just came up with this really quickly so it probably won't be the best tehehe… Ok anyway... Now onto the main attraction.**

Lily Evans. It's always been her, ever since I first laid eyes on her at King's Cross Station in first year. Her hair was scarlet and the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my eleven years. The light seemed to shine off it, causing small flecks of gold to be highly pronounced. It was in loose waves that seemed to travel down her back forever (it only came the middle of her back though). Her hair made her stand out. She attracted tons of stares. Dreamy ones from the boys, and envious, jealous ones from the girls. Of course, she didn't notice this attention she was receiving because she was too preoccupied trying to say goodbye to her parents. I didn't see her face until later on that evening…

 _The Welcoming Feast_

As soon as I got up on that stool, the sorting hat announced that I was in Gryffindor. With a cocky grin, I strode casually over to the Gryffindor table. Without even realizing it, I sat next to _her._ I noticed the hair right away, but she wasn't facing me so I couldn't get a glimpse of her face. She was talking about something, and I noticed she had a sweet, very kind, and loving voice. The girl was gesturing largely to get her point across and I couldn't help but smile. I guess she must have noticed eyes on her, so she turned to face me with an adorable smile. As soon as she turned to face me, I quickly realized she was the prettiest girl I ever had the pleasure of setting my eyes on. My eyes widened in awe. Her eyes were a fantastic emerald color. They seemed to sparkle with unshed laughter and amusement.

"Are you alright?" She asked with a small laugh. After finally regaining my composure, I smiled right back at her.

"I'm fantastic, and you?" I asked suavely. We had a wonderful conversation, and I found myself more and more intrigued by her. I had found out that her name was Lily Evans and that she was a Muggleborn. I told her my name was James Potter and I was a pureblood. We became friends.

Of course, being friends with girls at the age of eleven is different than being friends with other guys, but I found myself finding that it was rather easy to talk to her. By the end of first year, we were really good friends…

 _Second Year_

Lily was friends with everyone. And when I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE. The previous year I had also befriended Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. I guessed since me and the boys were really good friends, Lily and I had started drifting farther apart. She didn't like how we played pranks and hexed other students. _She_ was always hanging out with Snivelly and I couldn't stand it. So, the boys and I started calling ourselves the _Marauders_ and we directed most of our pranks and tricks to the pretty girl with red hair and the greasy boy with an abnormally large nose. I was also a chaser on the Gryffindor quidditch team and started to become cocky and arrogant. Naturally, she started to despise me and my friends and all I would think is, "Oh well."

 _Third Year_

Third year was a relatively quiet year I guess. We were finally allowed to go to Hogsmeade, and the Marauders and I did. We never had dates, though. After all, thirteen year old boys had no interest in girls…. At least we didn't. We were too busy with pulling pranks and being the "It" boys of Hogwarts.

 _Fourth Year_

The Marauders came back to school with a bang… The guys and I had taken to calling Lily "Evans". The first time I saw her that year, my eyes widened in absolute shock. Evans was no longer the cute little girl with pretty red hair and sparkling emerald eyes. No no, she was now a woman. I thank puberty everyday, even now.

Over the summer, she had grown up. Evans cut her hair so it went just to her shoulders, but it was still wavy and shiny and RED. She had curves in all the right places and I felt my mouth going dry. Her chest had been filled out and she had gotten taller. Evans had gotten HOT. I decided right then that I was in love with her and was going to marry her. When I told Sirius this, he just laughed and said, "Keep dreaming, man."

Of course, I asked her out every chance I had and naturally, she would decline. At first she would be polite about it, but when I started being obnoxious about it, she would get angry, her eyes would flash. It just made me fall more in love with her. When her eyes would flash and she would retort with a witty comment, it just made her all the more gorgeous.

 _Fifth Year_

This year got bad. I got cockier, more arrogant, and even more jealous of Snivellus. He was my main target. I also went out with lots of girls, waiting for Evans to finally come around. Everytime Lily would reject me, I would blame _him_ and play some cruel prank on him or hex him. But he did it right back so I don't know what the problem was.

" _I don't need help from a silly little mudblood like you."_

That was what made me snap. Lily had been yelling at me about hanging him upside down and when he said it, I watched the look in her eyes. They flashed through almost all the emotions. Angry, sad, confused, back to angry, then back to sad. Her eyes started watering and I dropped the spell on him. "APOLOGIZE!" I yelled at him, but Lily was already gone. I tried to comfort her, apologize, anything. But nothing I tried worked. She was a shell of the real Lily Evans for the rest of the year.

I didn't ask her out for the rest of the year, but mostly only because I hardly ever saw her. She wouldn't speak to anyone, stopped raising her hand in class, and when someone spoke to her, she spoke in soft tones, staring at the ground. The only time I saw her was in class because after, she would dart to the library or to her dorm, avoiding everyone. I didn't even see her at most meals.

 _Sixth Year_

Over the summer, I tried working on deflating my head and growing up a little. I turned my cocky grin into a lopsided, genuine smile that seemed to make girls' hearts melt, or so what Padfoot had told me. I still went out with lots of girls, but now they were for longer periods of time and I would let them down gently.

Lily had come back from summer holidays better than ever. Marlene performed a make over on her over the holidays. She wasn't hot or pretty…. She was beautiful.

Towards the end of fifth year, she let go of herself. She let her her normally fluffy hair fall limp. Lily wore clothes that were three sizes too big and it seemed like she just stopped trying.

She walked into the great hall on the first day of school with a new confidence. Her hair was in tight ringlets that spilled down her back. Lily had black eyeliner and mascara on to make her bright green eyes popped. That's another thing. Her eyes were brighter, more full of life and laughter. Her normally fair skin was even slightly tanned. She held herself up confidently.

As for me, well I stopped being such an arrogant jerk. I matured over the summer. I still played pranks of course, but they were meant to be funny, not embarrassing other people. I thought that Lily had started noticing because I always caught her watching me in class and just everywhere.

 _Seventh Year_

I was Head Boy. Me, James Potter, had somehow captured the titles of Head Boy and Quidditch Captain. How that happened, I have no clue, but I'm glad it did. There were plenty of privileges about being Head Boy… I got my own dorm, when me and the guys would pull pranks I could make sure we didn't get caught… But the best thing about being Head Boy was the fact that the Head Girl… Was Lily Evans.

We spent tons of time together, whether we were planning patrol schedules or just studying in the common room. Oh yeah, and did I mention that the heads had their own conjoined common room and bathroom? Well if not, we did.

At the beginning of the year, I think she finally realized that I had changed, grown up, because we became friends. And by friends I mean best friends. We were attached at the hip. It was an unusual site to see just me or just Lily. I had even talked her into wearing my extra jersey for quidditch matches. Yeah, we were that close, but of course, I never thought she began to fancy me.

Being the idiot that I was, I never noticed her flirting or subtle hints, partly because I had always told myself not to get my hopes up around Lily Evans… After she told me was months of being in love with my, I picked it up on New Year's Eve… when she kissed me at midnight. At first I was shocked, but then I found that I had fallen even more in love with her that year than I ever was.

 _August 1st, 1980_

Not only had I gotten married to Lily Evans, it's Potter now in case you're wondering *wink*, but she had also had my child yesterday. Yes, I married her and now we have a baby boy. How amazing is that? Who would've thought? His name's Harry. Harry James Potter.

 _The Present (Halloween 1981)_

"I'm scared James."

"Me too, love." I sighed.

We were sitting on the couch in our cozy living room in Godric's Hollow. Lily was holding a sleeping Harry and I had my arm wrapped around her, her red hair draped over my shoulder. We had gone into hiding a few months ago. It was terrible.

"No, you don't understand. I have this weird feeling in my stomach. Something's going to happen." Her voice trembles slightly and my heart clenches.

"Lily love, everything will be okay." I told her. Oh how I was wrong. I heard the gate in our front lawn creek loudly and swing shut. I jumped up, grabbing my wand. When I looked out the window, I knew Lily was right.

"Lily! It's him, take Harry and go! I'll hold him off!" I yelled. Tears were running down my face and hers. My heart pounded so loudly in my ears I couldn't hear myself think. All I could hear was Lily sobbing and her footsteps up the stairs. I ran to the bottom of them.

"Lily I love you. It's always been you." My voice barely came as a whisper.

"I love you to-" With a loud bang, the door swung open.

"GO!" I yelled up the steps before turning to face my opponent. I knew this was the end. I knew it. I think I was able to buy them a few minutes before a green spell hurtled towards me. The last thing I saw was her, first year. Her wavy red hair, and dazzling green eyes. It was always her, and it forever would be her, and only her.

 **A/N: Soooo I cried writing the ending, but this is probably one of my best writings. Please review! More reviews= more fics! Love, Mal**


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